Journey Back to the Barre


The Father's Heart

Fear can control our lives, only if we give it the power to do so.

How do we break free from fear in our everyday lives?

As human beings, we all have a deep-rooted desire to belong. We are all searching for something. We  embark on a journey of self-discovery and sometimes we cling to false identities like “I am what I do” or “I am whatever society says I am.”

Recently, God shattered the mirror I had stared into for far too long.

For the first time in my life, I saw myself through the eyes of our loving Father; I saw myself as a child of God.

He showed me clearly how He cares about the tiniest details of my life and the desires of my heart; desires He tucked inside my heart.

“The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” (Psalm 37:23 NLT)

Two years ago, I had surgery. Even after several months of recovery, I found it difficult to return to ballet. It’s not that I didn’t miss it; something was holding me back.

Fear was holding me back. Fear of not having enough energy and strength to dance; fear of not being able to afford classes.

I was looking for strength in the wrong place. I was depending on myself instead of turning to the Lord who is the source of our strength.

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31 ESV)

In March, the desire to dance was stronger than ever. So I said, “Lord, I really want to go back to ballet. How am I going to do that?”

I prayed and trusted Him as my provider.

His answer came two days later in the form of an email from my ballet studio. They were having an energy exchange program. I scrolled down the list of roles and at the bottom was “promoting the studio”! I didn’t skip a beat. I applied and received a response the same day.

April rolled around with no word from my studio about promo materials. Then one weekend, thoughts of ballet consumed my mind. On Tuesday of that week, I received an email from Chanelle, the Evangelical intern at church saying:

We were praying for you and heard God saying:

I saw your heart as a beautiful jewelry box. The box was opened and a beautiful ballerina sprung up and began to twirl to a beautiful song.

I saw a picture of a key and I heard Jesus say that He is the key to your heart. That Jesus is the key that opens your beautiful heart.

When your heart is open, there is this beautiful song that springs forth and it draws people in.

There are so many treasures He has placed in your heart.

The beautiful ballerina represents vulnerability.

I heard Him say don’t be afraid to open your heart and show your vulnerability. It’s so beautiful!

People are drawn to you. Your heart and the treasures He has placed inside of you draw people in.

He is the key.

He will keep you safe as you open your heart and dance!

I burst into tears in public. I wasted no time. I accepted His invitation.

Two days later, after one whole year, I let go of fear, grabbed hold of God’s hand, and danced!

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV)

Sick and tired of fear stealing your joy? Is fear stopping you from living the life God designed you to live?

Listen to Ruthann Bartello’s life-giving message on The Father Heart of God.

(Photo snapped in the Distillery District while doing promo for my ballet studio.)

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